While You Can’t Cure Everyone, You Can Heal Many
So – here goes, the second lesson we learn from a deck of cards – there are some things we simply cannot “FIX” – try as we might, hard as we work, and using the best of technology. Its tough to care too much, it hurts. If we can’t figure it out, we lose our compassion and start burning out – or even suffering from PTSD symptoms.
How do you connect to a heart of caring? Where do you get to meet your patient – or – as a matter a fact – a friend or colleague in a way that is restorative and healing even in the face of loss and suffering. By becoming more human and less absorbed by technology can we strengthen our journey?
These were some of the questions I was asking myself as I started to learn this lesson – So here we go!
When people start feeling their health fail, they can be observed taking a variety of actions. Some rush immediately to the emergency department often without an obvious need. Others wait it out at home; even at the risk of their lives. Healthcare team members often label these people by saying such things as: “talk about being in denial,” or “she’s such a drug seeker,” or “he wants a pill to fix everything,” or “she certainly doesn’t suffer in silence.” None of these connotations help. Instead they blind us to a deeper dilemma.
In the U.S., most individuals have been conditioned to expect ease and lack of discomfort. Maybe that’s why Americans have been taught to not look directly at someone who is physically different—whether that person is an amputee, someone with a tremor disorder or maimed by injury, born with physical or mental challenges, or other disorders deemed socially undesirable. Young children have no problems pointing out or asking about differences. However, well-meaning adults shush their kids and instruct them that it is rude to look at or question another individual.
The speed with which a group of “invisible” people can be created is striking, Invisibility is, perhaps, the single most destructive thing people do to one another. Not only is it perpetrated on those with physical and mental differences, but also on the homeless and elderly. Marginalizing others initiates a catastrophic slide into indifference and ultimately hate.
Through the Eyes of a Child
When my children were very young, my elderly uncle experienced an acute cerebral vascular accident or stroke. This left him with expressive aphasia (the inability to speak clearly), also the inability to use his right hand, and the ability to walk. Our family loved Uncle Sam and included him in as many activities as possible. He adored my children and tried desperately to talk with them.
One day when my family gathered at an aunt’s home for lunch, we brought Uncle Sam over to join our gathering. My cousin, Jeff, who was recovering from a broken leg and was now hobbling around on crutches joined us. As we drove home my six-year-old daughter asked, “Why does Jeff use crutches, and what is that white thing on his leg?”
I explained that Jeff’s leg was broken, and the cast kept everything tightly in place until it healed. My daughter huffed with indignation and said, “Jeff’s legs aren’t broken. He can walk. Uncle Sam’s legs are broken!” To my child, the word “broken” meant something didn’t work anymore. Seeing through the eyes of innocent children reveals the perceptions and distortions we unfairly apply to those with physical and/or mental differences.
Studying a deck of cards can also provide insights into our perceptions of health,--what it means to cure, what is normal, how we connect to those who are “different,” and how we bring everyone into conversation. It also helps us understand that when we cannot cure or “fix” someone’s illnesses or infirmities, healing is possible. Though dictionaries might equate the two terms, “to heal” can be vastly different from “to cure.” While people come to a doctor or the hospital to get cured, that is not always possible. However, what can be healed is found in the greater acceptance of a person’s soul or spirit. My next blog will explore the odd characters that reside in a deck of cards and you will find answers.